I have two dachshunds – Lucy and Bentley.
Bentley is five years old and is a sweet, lovable goof who gets into trouble quite
often. My wife calls him a “menace without malice,” which is an apt
description. Lucy is fifteen. She was a rescue when we got her about a decade
ago, and her health wasn’t the best at that point. We’ve taken good care of her
since then, but she has enough physical issues now that the vet told us last
March that she might have as little as two weeks to live. It’s almost December as
I write this, and Lucy is still chugging along, acting like a puppy more often
than not (although a puppy who gets aches and pains and needs to sleep a lot).
Lucy wakes me up at four a.m. every morning, demanding to be fed, and of
course, Bentley gets up too. Once I’m up, I’m up, so after the dogs are fed and
have returned to bed to cuddle with my wife, I head into my home office to
write. The other day I’d been writing from around 5:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m., when
my lack of sleep caught up with me and I began nodding off at my keyboard. When
this happens, I have micro-dreams that last only a few seconds until I can
force myself awake again. There’s nothing particularly special about these
dreams. They consist of strange images and thoughts mostly, stuff that vanishes
from my mind the instant I manage to haul myself back to consciousness. But
this day, when my eyes closed at one point, in my mind I heard a derisive voice
say, Your words are tiny words.
I woke, thought, That was weird,
wrote down the sentence in case I might be able to use it sometime, and
returned to writing the novel I’m currently working one (another horror/dark
fantasy book for Flame Tree Press titled A Hunter Called Night). Unlike
my other micro-dreams, I remembered this one, and I thought about it a lot over
the next couple days. During the time I dreamed it, I didn’t think the voice
was addressing me specifically. It seemed more like it was the voice of a character
speaking to another in a story. But the more I thought about it, the more I
wondered if the voice wasn’t my old friend self-doubt rearing its ugly head. Your
words are small words.
Regardless of what the origin of this
phrase was (let alone its true meaning, assuming it had any), it got me
thinking about all the negative things that writers and other creatives tell
ourselves. “You know,” I said to myself, “there’s probably a blog entry in
this.” And lo and behold, I was right.
The first time I remember encountering the
idea of negative self-talk as a psychological issue that could be dealt with
was when I read Write for Your Life by mystery writer Lawrence
Block. In the 80’s, Block and his wife conducted writing seminars around the
country, and Write for Your Life was a self-published book he created to
go along with the seminar. I’d read about the seminar in Block’s
fiction-writing column in Writer’s Digest, but I was a poor college
student at that point in my life and couldn’t attend. I desperately wanted to
get hold of the book somehow, but there was no Amazon or eBay in those days,
and it wasn’t until some years later that I ran across a copy of the book in a
Half-Price Books store. (Block has since self-published a new edition of the
print book as well as an ebook edition which you can order here: https://www.amazon.com/Write-Your-Life-Lawrence-Block-ebook/dp/B000GCFX9U/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=lawrence+block+write+for+your+life&qid=1606242259&s=books&sr=1-2)
Among the many topics Block discussed in
the book was the idea of negative messages that writers regularly tell
ourselves, and how they could be countered and overcome by creating an
affirmation. For example, if your negative message is My characters are dull
two-dimensional caricatures your affirmation might be My characters are
well developed and interesting. Once you’ve identified a negative message
and created a corresponding affirmation, you write the affirmation down in a
notebook (or type it) over and over again. You do this each day, maybe several
times a day, and perhaps before each writing session. The idea is to replace
the negative message with a positive one. My ex-wife is a psychologist, and
when I told her about Block’s idea, she said it was basic cognitive therapy. So
I decided to try it.
It took me a while to identify a negative
statement (or rather select one since I told myself so many), but eventually I
came up with I’m not good enough. It was easy to develop a countering
affirmation: I am good enough. And I could capitalize am for good
measure. I AM good enough. So I did as Block suggested and wrote my
affirmation in a notebook many, many times over the course of several days. Did
it help? Hard to say. I remember feeling better after my affirmation-writing
sessions, but I don’t recall any specific effect on my writing. (I don’t think
it made things worse though – at least I hope so!)
You might give Block’s technique a try and
see what it does for you. Identify a negative statement you tell yourself about
your writing, create an affirmation to counter it, then write the affirmation a
number of times before you start writing as a kind of combination pep
talk/warm-up. How many times you write your affirmation is up to you. I suggest
at least twenty, but maybe no more than a hundred. Don’t waste your entire
writing time for the day writing your affirmation!
During my years of teaching writing, along
with my years on social media, I’ve encountered a number of negative things
people tell themselves about their writing. Let’s talk about the most common,
in no particular order.
My writing isn’t good enough to . . .
There are a lot of ways to fill in the
blank here. Good enough for people to read it. Good enough to get published. Good
enough to help you land an agent. Good enough to make money. Good enough to win
awards. Good enough to be adapted for movies or TV, and so on. This negative
thought focuses on the perceived quality of your writing (or what you fear is
the lack thereof). Your writing is as good as it’s going to get today, but not
as good as it’s going to get tomorrow, assuming you keep writing, learning, and
growing as the years go by. You need to peace with the fact that your writing
probably will never feel like it’s good enough to you. Terminal dissatisfaction
is not only normal for an artist, it’s likely one of the main drives that keeps
us producing our work. It’s a given that we will die without achieving all of
our goals (unless we’re extremely fortunate), and that’s okay. We need
to take our writing as far as we can in the time that we have, and in the end
that has to be enough, because that’s all we’re going to get.
People won’t like my writing
This is true – but only if you add the
word Some to the beginning of this sentence. There isn’t a single thing
in this world that is liked by everyone. Hell, there are probably people who
even hate breathing and eating and would stop if they could. And the more
limited your writing is in its appeal, the fewer the people that will like it.
Just by choosing a genre to write in, you’ve narrowed your audience. Not
everyone likes romance, westerns, mysteries, science fiction, fantasy, and even
horror (hard to believe about this latter, but it’s true). Then the specific
subject matter might not appeal to certain readers. This story takes place
on a train? Ugh, I hate trains. And some people might not like the way you
told your story. I just can’t get into first-person stories. There’s way too
much description in this book. This is too literary. This isn’t literary
enough. Writing is, in many ways, nothing but a series of choices, one
after the other, and for every choice we make, some people will respond
positively, some negatively. We hope more people will like our choices than
not, but it’s guaranteed that at least some won’t, and that’s okay. Not
everyone likes Italian food, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with
the food itself. It’s simply a matter of personal taste. And if people aren’t
responding well to your writing because it needs improvement, every day you
continue to write will help you improve.
People will think I’m weird
You are weird, and what the hell is
wrong with that? Weird to non-writers, anyway. Odds are that to other writers,
you’ve perfectly normal. Your family and friends might not understand you.
They’re probably not artists, or readers for that matter, and if they do read,
they probably don’t read the kind of thing you write. What’s the point of a
romance novel? I mean, they all end the same way. We spend a lot of time in
our heads (maybe most of the time), and we get excited about stuff that most
people don’t. I wrote this really cool descriptive passage this morning, and
I debated whether to use a dash or semicolon in one sentence for fifteen
minutes, then I said to hell with it and used a colon instead. It worked great!
And if you write horror or erotica, people will think you’re a burgeoning
serial killer or a ravening sex addict, simply because they don’t understand
the difference between imagining something, wanting to do something,
and actually doing it in the real world. Whatever. Let people think what
they want and forget about them. Being normal sucks anyway.
My writing will get rejected
If you’re doing traditional publishing,
you bet it will, and probably a lot (at least when you first start out). If you
worked as a salesperson on a car lot, would you expect every potential customer
that strolled in to leave with a brand-new vehicle? Of course you wouldn’t.
You’d know from your own experience as a buyer of goods that you don’t purchase
every item you look at. That doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything
wrong with the item, only that you’ve determined that – for whatever reason –
it doesn’t meet your needs at that moment. Same with editors. It’s not
personal. The more your writing improves, the more you continue to send the
send piece out to editors or agents, the more familiar you become with specific
markets so you can more effectively target your submissions, the fewer
rejections you’ll receive. And no matter how advanced your writing career is,
you’ll still get them (if not as many). Rejection stinks, but it’s part of the
game, and one rejection isn’t an all-encompassing statement on your writing or
you as a person.
I won’t get any readers
This fear affects those seeking to publish
traditionally as well as those doing indie publishing. Once a story or book is
finally out, we worry that no one will read it. The truth is, even bestsellers
are read by only a small portion of the human race, because most people on the
planet do not read for pleasure. The biggest flop of a movie is seen by millions
more people than ever read most books. And there are so many other books out
there – including ones written by authors long dead – for readers to choose
from, that the odds of one of our books being selected are slim indeed. One
thing’s for certain, though: If your book/story/essay/article/poem isn’t
published, you are guaranteed to get a sum total of zero readers. The better
your work becomes over time and the more you learn about marketing your work,
the more readers you’ll get.
No cares about what I write
This is kind of true. No one has an intrinsic
reason to care about what you write. You have to give them a reason, have to make
them care. You can do this through the genre you select, the specific plot
of your story, the characters, the style, the pace of the story, the language
you use . . . Use any and all the tools available to writers to give readers a
reason to give your work a chance. And (as I keep saying) the more you improve
over time, the more readers will be drawn to your work.
My writing will have no impact
In the grand scheme of things, like on a
universe-wide scale, nothing anyone does anywhere has any truly meaningful
impact (unless you’re a cosmic being like Galactus, I suppose). And what sort
of impact do you want your work to have anyway? Do you want it to bring about
world peace? Unlikely. But your work can change the life of individual readers,
maybe only in some small ways but those ways can be pretty damn important.
Maybe a story of yours entertained someone for a bit and gave them a break from
something hard that they’re currently going through. Maybe your poem made them
feel less alone. Maybe your essay inspired them. Writing and sharing your
writing is a community-building act. Making connections with our fellow humans
is vital for our species and should never be minimized.
I’m just a hack
None of us are likely going to be the next
Shakespeare, but that doesn’t mean our writing is worthless. A hack is someone
who cranks out writing as fast as possible so they can get paid. (There are far
easier ways to make money, though, so I don’t know why anyone would choose being
a hack as a financially sound career.) And so what if you do write fast and do
write for money? Your reasons for writing are your own, and it’s okay if you
have different reasons for writing different projects at different times.
Sometimes I write for art, sometimes for money, sometimes for both. I’m always
writing for myself and readers, though, regardless of the particular project
I’m focusing on. As long as I choose to write it and I’m enjoying myself (even
if I’m just enjoying anticipating a paycheck), it’s all good. Hack is a meaningless term for me. All it does is tell me that the person
using it has contempt for other people who make different writing choices than
they would (assuming they write at all). Don’t have contempt for yourself.
I’ll never be able to make a living with
my writing
It depends on what you mean by living,
but in general, you’re probably right. Very few artists in this world make
enough money from their art to survive. They usually have day jobs of one kind
or another, or they teach writing (like I do), or they write different kinds of
writing at different times. Poetry to satisfy their artistic side, tech writing
to put food on the table. Don’t listen to anyone telling you that writers who
make all their money from their artistic writing are the only real writers.
It is possible to live just off your writing money if you live in an area with
a low cost of living and live as simply as possible – and if you don’t mind
dealing with the stress of your income fluctuating throughout the course of a
year, with no way to predict for certain if you’ll be able to pay your bills
from one month to the next. I’ve never had a goal solely of making money from
my writing. I’d get bored if all I did was one thing (no matter how much I love
that thing), and if I struggled to pay bills each month, I’d be so stressed
that I’d find it difficult (maybe even impossible) to write. I love teaching,
but I have a day job in order to support my writing life, to ensure that I can
continue to write without interruption until the day I die. However you want to
(or can) arrange your writing life, as long as it works for you, that’s all
that matters.
People online will tell me I suck as a
writer
I’ve been lucky. I’ve gotten mostly good
reviews for my books over the years and good responses from readers on social
media. But I’ve had people tell me they didn’t like my work. The best was an
anonymous person who sent me an email that read, in all lowercase letters you
write badly. I wanted to reply no, i write goodly, but I restrained
myself. I read all the reviews I can find of my work because I want to see if I
managed to accomplish what I attempted with a given book. I hope to learn from
the reviews and improve as a writer. But if people do give your work negative
reviews or trolls harass you on social media, do your best to shut them out.
Don’t read reviews, block trolls. It’s your choice how much online suckitude
you want to put up with, and don’t put up with any that makes it harder for you
to write. And for everyone who posts something negative about your writing,
they’ll be someone who has something positive to say about it. Focus on those
comments. Do whatever works for you to keep you writing.
I’ll never be published
It’s possible.
I’ve known people who’ve tried for decades to publish traditionally and have
had made little to no headway. But I’ve known far more people who’ve continued
working hard and persisted and who did eventually get published, whether in the
small press or in mass market. There are no guarantees that you’ll ever get
your work published, and if you do, that you’ll continue getting it published.
But there are a hell of a lot of venues available to you to help get your work
in front of an audience these days, and one way or another, you should be able
to find some readers.
I’m just repeating myself
Maybe you’ve been writing and publishing
for a while, and you fear that you’re repeated the same kind of characters,
plots, and narrative style in your work. You probably are. These a reason why
critics laud first novels and often ignore a novelist’s subsequent work. The
first one is new and fresh. The follow-ups are often more of the same, and even
if they’re good, they are no longer novel (see what I did there?). Part
of this is a natural tendency of artists, but a lot of it is due to consumer
culture telling you to put out the same product over and over, to brand
yourself as a particular type of writer who writes a particular type of book to
make your work easier to promote and sell. If you do start repeating yourself,
you can purposely try to mix things up in your work – try a different type of
story or narrative approach. Figure out what your most commonly used elements
are and consciously avoid them in new work. Years ago, I realized that most of
my short fiction occurred on two timelines, the past and the present, and I
alternated between past and present scenes throughout the story. Once I knew I
did this, I stopped using that narrative pattern in my short stories for years,
forcing myself to come up with different ways to organize my stories. Now I’ll
use the pattern whenever I feel a story needs it, but I’m careful not to fall
back on it all the time.
I’ve plateaued and can’t go any further
I’m going to be 57 in March. I recently
spoke with an editor friend about ways to possibly take my writing career to
the next level, and he described me as a “reasonably successful author.”
Nothing wrong with that, but I do fear that’s as far as I’ll be able to take my
career, especially given that I’m no spring chicken. Honestly, I’m a little
afraid to try to take my career to a higher level. It’s easier to stay where
we’re most comfortable in life, where we feel safe. I’m still going to keep
trying, but if I were to drop dead tomorrow, I’d be satisfied with the
knowledge that I had the courage to chase my dream and I got as far as I did in
the time that I had. How much more can any of us hope to get out of life?
I’m writing the wrong stuff
I think this from time to time. My wife
says I go through cycles that last around a year, and at the end of each cycle,
I start to think that I’m writing the wrong kind of fiction for my career. Why
am I writing weird horror for the small press for almost no money? I should
focus on writing tie-ins from now on. They won’t make me rich, but at least
they pay better advances and have more readers. There’s no way to advance my
career by writing tie-ins. I should write in a more popular, mainstream genre,
like thrillers. Fuck it, I should just ghost write for money. It’s not like
anyone cares what I write about anyway. I’m tired of writing
entertainment-based fiction. What I really need to do is focus on producing
more artistic, literary work. I’m sick of writing artsy stuff. I think I’d
really like to get back to writing my weird small-press horror. That’s what I
love doing the most (I think). And so on . . . Each time I reach another
shift in the cycle, it’s a huge existential crisis for me. My wife says it’s just
me being me, and she’s right. There’s no way to predict what type of writing
will be most successful for you. So much of this business is a complete and
total crap shoot. I can tell you to write what you love, write for money, write
for art’s sake, etc. But there is no wrong stuff to write. There is no right
stuff to write. There’s only what you choose to write or feel drawn to write or
have contracted to write at any given point in time. Right now I’m writing this
blog. And as I told you earlier, I’m also working on A Hunter Called Night.
Today I’ve spoken with two different editors, one about breaking me out as a
big-name horror writer (perhaps under a pseudonym) and another about doing a
horror-focused media tie-in novel. I’ve also applied to work with a
ghostwriting firm because I’m curious what that might be like (and also because
my wife and I have spent $20,000 on back surgeries for Bentley this year, and
there’s a chance he may need additional surgery on down the line, and
ghostwriting pays pretty decently). My agent has well over a dozen novel
proposals circulating with various publishers, some horror, some fantasy, some
science fiction, some cross genre, some artistic-focused, some pure
entertainment-focused. All of this is likely at least part of my I Should Be
Writing Something Else cycle. I’ve accepted it about myself, and I do my best
not to let it tempt me to abandon one project and go chasing off after another.
So far, it’s worked fairly well (although there are a number of unfinished
short stories on my hard drive that are likely to stay unfinished.)
I’ll never be as good as That Writer
I don’t remember where I first heard this,
but I pass it along to writers whenever I can: Envy is the writer’s disease.
One way we learn is to compare ourselves and our actions to those of other
people. But when we start to compare ourselves negatively to others, that’s
when we can get into trouble. It’s too easy to read something wonderful – a
book, a paragraph, a single line – and believe that we could write every hour
of every day for the rest of our lives and never come close to equaling it. Or
we compare our careers to those of other, far more successful writers. There’s
no way I’ll ever be as famous, rich, or well-loved as FILL IN THE BLANK. The
hell of it is, all of these feelings are true. We’ll never be able to replicate
someone else’s work because we can never be someone else. We can only be us.
And we can’t replicate someone else’s career because a writing career is
fashioned from a lot of elements – talent, hard work, and luck chief among
them. We can hone our talent and do our best to work hard, and we can try to
put ourselves in a position where we can take advantage of luck when it
(hopefully) arrives, but all of this is still no guarantee of any kind of
success, let alone multiple New York Times bestseller, multi
award-winning, millionaire-level of success. Learn from other writers, but
don’t compare yourself negatively to them. Don’t use other writers’ work as a
weapon to beat yourself up with.
I should quit writing
I started writing seriously with the
intention of making it my life’s work when I was eighteen. As I said earlier,
I’m almost 57 now. I’ve traditionally published over 50 novels, seven
collections of short stories, and a half dozen or so novellas. I’ve won and
been nominated for several awards. How often do I think about quitting writing?
Shit, maybe once a month, if not more frequently than that. So far I haven’t
quit, although I’ve taken short breaks here and there over the years. I suffer
from depression, and thanks to therapy and meds, I handle it pretty well. I
know not to give my depression any more power over me than it already has, and
I do the same with my feelings that I should quit writing forever. I wait them
out the same way I wait for a storm to pass. It might take hours or days, but
the sun will come out again eventually. I also know that quitting is so
tempting because it’s 100 percent under our control. So many things about a
writing career – maybe most things – are beyond our control, but stopping
isn’t. And if we blame our writing – or more accurately, our desire to write –
for the pain and frustration trying to establish or grow a career is causing
us, quitting is our way of striking back at it, making it pay for what it’s
done to us. But it’s cutting off our own nose to spite our face. We’ve taken
action! We’ve purged our dark emotions! But from now on, we’re going to make a
hell of mess when we have a cold and sneeze. I let myself feel whatever
feelings I have about my writing whenever I have them, but I know that deep
down, my writing is as important and necessary to my existence as breathing.
The only reason I would actually quit is if I wanted to hurt myself deeply and kill
off a vital part of myself – and I won’t allow myself to do that.
In the end, be good to yourself
In the end, negative self-talk gives power
to our fears and insecurities, and it’s a way we self-harm. Regardless of
whether you try to use affirmations to counter negative self-talk or not, I
think it’s important to identify and come to terms with the negative things we
tell ourselves about our writing. By doing so, we’ll recognize them for what
they are when we start saying them, and hopefully we’ll be able to prevent them
from keeping us from doing what we love: getting our words down on the page for
others to enjoy.
DEPARTMENT OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
Website Update
I’ve updated the Interviews section on my
website with links to articles on writing I’ve recently published, as well as new
podcast appearances and other interviews. You can check them out here: https://timwaggoner.com/interviews.htm
Your Turn to Suffer
My next horror novel from Flame Tree
Press, Your Turn to Suffer, comes out March 23rd and is available for preorder.
Lorelei Palumbo is harassed by a sinister
group calling themselves The Cabal. They accuse her of having committed
unspeakable crimes in the past, and now she must pay. The Cabal begins taking
her life apart one piece at a time – her job, her health, the people she loves
– and she must try to figure out what The Cabal thinks she’s done if she’s to
have any hope of answering their charges and salvaging her life.
Amazon Hardback: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Suffer-Fiction-Without-Frontiers/dp/1787585182/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Amazon Paperback: Link still to come.
Amazon Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08CVSNW16/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i0
Barnes and Noble Hardback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585188
Barnes and Noble Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585164
Barnes and Noble Nook: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585201
Flame Tree Press: https://www.flametreepublishing.com/your-turn-to-suffer-isbn-9781787585201.html
Wendigo Tales Vol. 1
My novella, Raiders
of the Poisoned Planes, appears in this hardcover anthology. It features
stories set in the various Deadlands RPG worlds. My story takes place in the
Deadlands: Hell on Earth setting. It’s a weird western yarn in a
post-apocalyptic America.
Amazon Hardcover:
https://www.amazon.com/Wendigo-Tales-One-Adventure-S2P93003/dp/1950082342/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=pinnacle+entertainment&qid=1606348709&s=books&sr=1-2
Pinnacle
Entertainment: https://www.peginc.com/store/wendigo-tales-volume-one/
Award News
My novella Some Kind of Monster and
my how-to-write horror manual Writing in the Dark have both gotten some
recommendations for the Bram Stoker Awards. This is just the first step in
getting onto the final ballot, but it’s still exciting. Here are links if you’d
like to check out either book:
Some Kind of Monster
Apex Book Company
All formats: https://www.apexbookcompany.com/products/some-kind-of-monster?variant=34275237855369
Nook Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=2940162841401
B&N Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=9781937009823
Writing in the Dark
Want to learn how to write horror or
improve the horror you already write? Then this book’s for you!
Raw
Dog Screaming Press
Both
hardcover and paperback: http://rawdogscreaming.com/books/writing-in-the-dark/
Amazon
Barnes
and Noble
Hardcover:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879232
Paperback:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879195
Social Media Links
Want to follow me on social media? Here’s
where you can find me:
Twitter: @timwaggoner
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tim.waggoner.9
Instagram: tim.waggoner.scribe
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZEz6_ALPrV3tdC0V3peKNw
If you’d like to subscribe to my
newsletter – where I give writing and publishing tips along with all the
latest, greatest Tim Waggoner news you could ever want – you can do so by
signing up here: http://timwaggoner.com/contact.htm
